i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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