new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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