so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
