The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
