Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
