I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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