am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
