their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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