i just google imaged poop.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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