i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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