Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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