We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
