I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
