She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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