If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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