its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
