i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
