I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
