Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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