dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When did angry sex become our thing?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
