it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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