All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
People in love make me want to vomit
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
