Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
