Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
