It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
