Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
