This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
