so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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