Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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