Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
