I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
