but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
