he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
