My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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