awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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