he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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