She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
