No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
