did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
