I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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