If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
