He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
