Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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