This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
