Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
