I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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