Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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