Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
