I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
