dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
