my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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