I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
