peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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